Back, Y'all!

It's been a couple of months. I took some much-needed time away to think deeply and hard, about a lot of things.

And I got rid of the scales.

Something I'll go into more at a later date, is that like almost every woman living in Western Society, I don't have such a good relationship with my body image, or with food. While it sounds ridiculous to say, I don't know how to simply eat in moderation.

Don't mistake me; I know about nutrition, I know what foods I eat to be healthy, and I know that enjoying a piece of cake every so often won't kill me.... but in practise, I have yet to achieve that moderation. Mostly because in practise, my brain tries to send me to extremes. After all, if I can eat healthy most of the tie, I can do it all the time! And I can eat half of my regular meal size, and do at least four hours a day of hard cardio, right?

And if I can't even manage those tiny sacrifices on the road to health (slimness), then I may as well binge and not exercise; after all, I have no discipline, so I may as well wallow in it, right?

So I got more than a little bit screwed up somewhere along the line.

I heard about HAES (Health At Every Size) and Intuitive Eating awhile ago, and I've gone from the initial thoughts of "I could never do that" to "That actually makes a hell of a lot more sense than what I'm doing now!"

So I'm trying to re-learn what hunger feels like, eating smaller portions, and indulging those cravings. And so far, it's working. I wasn't hungry today. Conventional weight loss wisdom would tell me to eat anyway, but I decided I'd wait until I was starving. I went and visited a friend at 7pm, who invited me for dinner, and made a delicious salad. What do you know? As soon as that salad was in front of me, I was hungry, I ate, and I was satisfied.

Later, I indulged my desire for Christmas pudding that I'd had for several days. I had a mini pudding, I enjoye it, and I did not feel bad, or like I needed to atone. So far, it's pretty nice to feel like this.

I still plan to use this blog. But there are a few changes coming. Mostly though, I'll still be logging information about my food and exercise here, mostly the motivation will have changed (instead of being about the best way to eat and exercise to lose weight, it'll be abot getting to grips with a way of living that lets me be physically healthy without losing my grip on my sanity).

Love Your Body Day (one day late, but no one really minds, do they?)

Inspired by Leslie at Pink Spandex, I've decided to list some things that I love about my body.

1. Because it's mine. And I could end this post just saying that, but at the end of the day, my body is the one thing that now, and always, has completely belonged to me, for me to nurture or (more often than not) abuse, as I see fit, and no one can take that ownership away from me.

2. Because it's not perfect. What's that? Because my body is not perfect I appreciate it? Sounds odd, but because I grew up feeling like an ugly duckling, and not fitting into the "norm" of blond, slim, straight haired, athletic perfection, I came to appreciate myself and other people for more than their exterior.

3. My hair. I've fought with my hair a lot over the years, just like I've fought with most of my body over the years. But finally I kinda like my hair, even if it is ridiculously soft, fine, and can't decide whether it wants to be wavy, curly, or a strange mixture of both. Plus, I get my own revenge on it; when I'm sick of dealing with it, I near-shave it all off.

4. My eyes. They're big and blue. And pretty. What more do I really need to say?

5. My face. Expanding from above. I think I have a good facial structure, I think my face and my features are well-proportioned, and while I don't have the small, cute and pert features of a magazine model, I think my face is very attractive in its own way.

On the topic of bodies, I thought it might be topical to add "Bodies" by Little Birdy. The lyric "I'm sick of feeling this way, my body's okay" feels very fitting to this sort of post. I hope you appreciate it (and yourselves. Start loving yourself too.)