It's been a couple of months. I took some much-needed time away to think deeply and hard, about a lot of things.
And I got rid of the scales.
Something I'll go into more at a later date, is that like almost every woman living in Western Society, I don't have such a good relationship with my body image, or with food. While it sounds ridiculous to say, I don't know how to simply eat in moderation.
Don't mistake me; I know about nutrition, I know what foods I eat to be healthy, and I know that enjoying a piece of cake every so often won't kill me.... but in practise, I have yet to achieve that moderation. Mostly because in practise, my brain tries to send me to extremes. After all, if I can eat healthy most of the tie, I can do it all the time! And I can eat half of my regular meal size, and do at least four hours a day of hard cardio, right?
And if I can't even manage those tiny sacrifices on the road to health (slimness), then I may as well binge and not exercise; after all, I have no discipline, so I may as well wallow in it, right?
So I got more than a little bit screwed up somewhere along the line.
I heard about HAES (Health At Every Size) and Intuitive Eating awhile ago, and I've gone from the initial thoughts of "I could never do that" to "That actually makes a hell of a lot more sense than what I'm doing now!"
So I'm trying to re-learn what hunger feels like, eating smaller portions, and indulging those cravings. And so far, it's working. I wasn't hungry today. Conventional weight loss wisdom would tell me to eat anyway, but I decided I'd wait until I was starving. I went and visited a friend at 7pm, who invited me for dinner, and made a delicious salad. What do you know? As soon as that salad was in front of me, I was hungry, I ate, and I was satisfied.
Later, I indulged my desire for Christmas pudding that I'd had for several days. I had a mini pudding, I enjoye it, and I did not feel bad, or like I needed to atone. So far, it's pretty nice to feel like this.
I still plan to use this blog. But there are a few changes coming. Mostly though, I'll still be logging information about my food and exercise here, mostly the motivation will have changed (instead of being about the best way to eat and exercise to lose weight, it'll be abot getting to grips with a way of living that lets me be physically healthy without losing my grip on my sanity).
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Food for thought
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Do I really want to lose weight, or do I want to gain health? Does it matter if I eat healthily, exercise regularly, and still have some extra fat?
We bought Fable 2 recently, and one of the things that has changed from the original game is the option to choose male or female character (this story is going somewhere, trust me!). I chose a female character, and then I started fretting about my character getting fat. That's right. I started to moderate the food intake of a video game character. Now, in the previous Fable, I happily made my (male) character fat, thin, muscly, stringy, short, tall, without having a second thought about his level of attractiveness. After all, my character totlly kicked ass! Yet, make it a female character, and even with high levels of ass-kickitude, I still fret over my character's fat, or lack thereof.
Obviously, this is not healthy.
I think this needs to be said. I don't have an unhealthy relationship with food. I have an unhealthy relationship with body image. For a majority of my life, my body has been made public property. As far back as I can remember, the people around me have felt perfectly comfortable telling me that I'm too fat, too thin, too pimply, my hair is too curly, etc. I'm unfortunately certain that most readers can understand this.
When it comes to food, yes, I could do a lot better. I could make healthier choices more often. Like most people, as much as I enjoy a plate of vegetables, I'm more often going to go for the quick choice than the more nutritious choice. But generally, I don't think my relationship with food is that screwy. Aside from poor choices, I don't tend to binge these days, nor do I deliberately starve myself.
But my body image is fucked.
And the only reason I can come up with to lose 60kg is to attempt to "earn" the praise of others, particularly my family.
Why?
Now I've thought of it, that's a stupid reason to make myself half the size I currently am. Sure, I may get to that magical beacon, "60kg lost! Size 10 - 12!". And yes, I will get praise, compliments, and the rest. But if these people criticise my weight now, if I no longer have that weight, they'll find something else eventually. My teeth are wrong. My hair is too short. My weight is starting to creep back on....
So fuck what other people think. A life lived to try make others happy is a life that is not my own. So what do I want?
I want to be fitter.
I want to eat better food.
I want to learn to cook healthy food better.
I want to enjoy my life on my own terms.
My physical size does not appear on this list. Pursuing health and fitness will probably result in my losing fat, but ultimately? I want to learn to love whatever size I am, and learn to tell people who want to put me down to piss off.
So the focus of this blog is kind of shifting focus. But I can't continue agonising over body fat. Because the day I agonise over the size of my video game characters, is the day I officially have a problem.
We bought Fable 2 recently, and one of the things that has changed from the original game is the option to choose male or female character (this story is going somewhere, trust me!). I chose a female character, and then I started fretting about my character getting fat. That's right. I started to moderate the food intake of a video game character. Now, in the previous Fable, I happily made my (male) character fat, thin, muscly, stringy, short, tall, without having a second thought about his level of attractiveness. After all, my character totlly kicked ass! Yet, make it a female character, and even with high levels of ass-kickitude, I still fret over my character's fat, or lack thereof.
Obviously, this is not healthy.
I think this needs to be said. I don't have an unhealthy relationship with food. I have an unhealthy relationship with body image. For a majority of my life, my body has been made public property. As far back as I can remember, the people around me have felt perfectly comfortable telling me that I'm too fat, too thin, too pimply, my hair is too curly, etc. I'm unfortunately certain that most readers can understand this.
When it comes to food, yes, I could do a lot better. I could make healthier choices more often. Like most people, as much as I enjoy a plate of vegetables, I'm more often going to go for the quick choice than the more nutritious choice. But generally, I don't think my relationship with food is that screwy. Aside from poor choices, I don't tend to binge these days, nor do I deliberately starve myself.
But my body image is fucked.
And the only reason I can come up with to lose 60kg is to attempt to "earn" the praise of others, particularly my family.
Why?
Now I've thought of it, that's a stupid reason to make myself half the size I currently am. Sure, I may get to that magical beacon, "60kg lost! Size 10 - 12!". And yes, I will get praise, compliments, and the rest. But if these people criticise my weight now, if I no longer have that weight, they'll find something else eventually. My teeth are wrong. My hair is too short. My weight is starting to creep back on....
So fuck what other people think. A life lived to try make others happy is a life that is not my own. So what do I want?
I want to be fitter.
I want to eat better food.
I want to learn to cook healthy food better.
I want to enjoy my life on my own terms.
My physical size does not appear on this list. Pursuing health and fitness will probably result in my losing fat, but ultimately? I want to learn to love whatever size I am, and learn to tell people who want to put me down to piss off.
So the focus of this blog is kind of shifting focus. But I can't continue agonising over body fat. Because the day I agonise over the size of my video game characters, is the day I officially have a problem.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Love Your Body Day (one day late, but no one really minds, do they?)
Inspired by Leslie at Pink Spandex, I've decided to list some things that I love about my body.
1. Because it's mine. And I could end this post just saying that, but at the end of the day, my body is the one thing that now, and always, has completely belonged to me, for me to nurture or (more often than not) abuse, as I see fit, and no one can take that ownership away from me.
2. Because it's not perfect. What's that? Because my body is not perfect I appreciate it? Sounds odd, but because I grew up feeling like an ugly duckling, and not fitting into the "norm" of blond, slim, straight haired, athletic perfection, I came to appreciate myself and other people for more than their exterior.
3. My hair. I've fought with my hair a lot over the years, just like I've fought with most of my body over the years. But finally I kinda like my hair, even if it is ridiculously soft, fine, and can't decide whether it wants to be wavy, curly, or a strange mixture of both. Plus, I get my own revenge on it; when I'm sick of dealing with it, I near-shave it all off.
4. My eyes. They're big and blue. And pretty. What more do I really need to say?
5. My face. Expanding from above. I think I have a good facial structure, I think my face and my features are well-proportioned, and while I don't have the small, cute and pert features of a magazine model, I think my face is very attractive in its own way.
On the topic of bodies, I thought it might be topical to add "Bodies" by Little Birdy. The lyric "I'm sick of feeling this way, my body's okay" feels very fitting to this sort of post. I hope you appreciate it (and yourselves. Start loving yourself too.)
1. Because it's mine. And I could end this post just saying that, but at the end of the day, my body is the one thing that now, and always, has completely belonged to me, for me to nurture or (more often than not) abuse, as I see fit, and no one can take that ownership away from me.
2. Because it's not perfect. What's that? Because my body is not perfect I appreciate it? Sounds odd, but because I grew up feeling like an ugly duckling, and not fitting into the "norm" of blond, slim, straight haired, athletic perfection, I came to appreciate myself and other people for more than their exterior.
3. My hair. I've fought with my hair a lot over the years, just like I've fought with most of my body over the years. But finally I kinda like my hair, even if it is ridiculously soft, fine, and can't decide whether it wants to be wavy, curly, or a strange mixture of both. Plus, I get my own revenge on it; when I'm sick of dealing with it, I near-shave it all off.
4. My eyes. They're big and blue. And pretty. What more do I really need to say?
5. My face. Expanding from above. I think I have a good facial structure, I think my face and my features are well-proportioned, and while I don't have the small, cute and pert features of a magazine model, I think my face is very attractive in its own way.
On the topic of bodies, I thought it might be topical to add "Bodies" by Little Birdy. The lyric "I'm sick of feeling this way, my body's okay" feels very fitting to this sort of post. I hope you appreciate it (and yourselves. Start loving yourself too.)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
You're free to be pretty
Something I have come to realise, is that as my weight has increased, my femininity has decreased. And by that, I mean I stopped allowing myself to be pretty.
In high school, at a size 14, I used to wear lots of pretty clothes. Dresses, skirts, fancy tights, interesting boots.... I used to spend a lot of time sewing for myself or modifying clothes I had bought from op shops. And while I was still overweight, at that stage I only had to lose about 15kg to be at a healthy weight, instead of 60kg. What is more important or interesting however, is that even though I was overweight, and noticeably bigger than my peers, is that I didn't allow that to detract from my right to be pretty.
And it's not just my former outerwear. I had a formidible collection of snazzy lingerie, boasted a large collection of haircare products, and although I've never been one to wear much makeup (I have the sort of skin that soaks up foundation and makes my pores look like giant hungry wells in my skin whenever I put it on), I spent the money for good eye and lip make up, and nice bath products.
When did all this change? Obviously, now that I have my own house, and pay my own bills, and have a dog and a car, and other assorted money-sinks, my "pretty" budget is a lot smaller. And tastes change, obviously. Getting dressed used to be a big production for me, now it's as simple as getting a Tshirt and jeans. Which, most of the time, is a good thing. As one gets older, taking forever to get dressed and make oneself up just to hang aroud the house is a bit much. But I don't think it's as simple as the wisdom of aging a year or four.
It's that I don't value myself, as a fat person.
Because I am fat, I don't want to be noticed. Because I am fat, I want to blend into the background. Because I am fat, I consider myself to be less of a worthy human being.
And that, all of that, is absolute bullshit. I know that I am still a pretty girl. I know that I'm an interesting, capable and intelligent person. I know that I am just as worthwhile a human being as someone half my size....
....but I don't treat myself that way. I allow myself to wear one pair of jeans until my thighs chafe a hole in them. I don't have any "pretty" or "sexy" or hell, even any special occasion clothes set aside. I have a pair of jeans, some tshirts, a couple of jumpers and my work clothes (oh, and gym clothes. I have those too.). That's my entire wardrobe, summed up. My undies are the cheapest Big W cotton 7 pack. Bras these days are either sports bras, or basic bonds, and my hair and skincare rouine is the bare basic minimum. And as I said before, this isn't entirely a bad thing. Streamlining my daily routine was something that needed to be done.
I think the issue here is that I don't want to enjoy being overweight. That I feel like I'm a work in progress, and stopping to smell the roses along the way is a waste of time because it distracts me, or that it allows me to become "comfortable" in being a fat girl. And not that I have a problem with fat acceptance, (Cthulu knows that I need a nudge to accept myself as I am), it's more that the idea of fat acceptance, to me, implies that one is happy being fat, and one intends to stay that way. And while I should accept myself right now, I am not happy being a fat girl, and I never will be.
The thought that spurred this post however, was my realisation that if I don't allow myself to be pretty occasionally, no matter at what size, I'll get to my goal weight..... and then what? Am I magically going to implement a better skin care routine, or make the effort to do something with my hair *just because* I'm thin? Probably not. If I allow myself to be a slob now, I'll always be a slob, whether I'm size 24 or size 12. I need to stop the "When I'm thin I will......." fantasies of how being half of me will be a magical panacea for all the things that are wrong with my life.
So I'm bringing pretty back. Ruku's mum gave me some Chanel No. 5 as a present last year, and I've gotten into the habit of spritzing a little on in the mornings when I get dressed. Even when I go to work outside pulling weeds, with a bunch of guys to get stinky and sweaty, the knowledge that I've given myself that little piece of pretty is powerful stuff. And that's an important start to balance.
In high school, at a size 14, I used to wear lots of pretty clothes. Dresses, skirts, fancy tights, interesting boots.... I used to spend a lot of time sewing for myself or modifying clothes I had bought from op shops. And while I was still overweight, at that stage I only had to lose about 15kg to be at a healthy weight, instead of 60kg. What is more important or interesting however, is that even though I was overweight, and noticeably bigger than my peers, is that I didn't allow that to detract from my right to be pretty.
And it's not just my former outerwear. I had a formidible collection of snazzy lingerie, boasted a large collection of haircare products, and although I've never been one to wear much makeup (I have the sort of skin that soaks up foundation and makes my pores look like giant hungry wells in my skin whenever I put it on), I spent the money for good eye and lip make up, and nice bath products.
When did all this change? Obviously, now that I have my own house, and pay my own bills, and have a dog and a car, and other assorted money-sinks, my "pretty" budget is a lot smaller. And tastes change, obviously. Getting dressed used to be a big production for me, now it's as simple as getting a Tshirt and jeans. Which, most of the time, is a good thing. As one gets older, taking forever to get dressed and make oneself up just to hang aroud the house is a bit much. But I don't think it's as simple as the wisdom of aging a year or four.
It's that I don't value myself, as a fat person.
Because I am fat, I don't want to be noticed. Because I am fat, I want to blend into the background. Because I am fat, I consider myself to be less of a worthy human being.
And that, all of that, is absolute bullshit. I know that I am still a pretty girl. I know that I'm an interesting, capable and intelligent person. I know that I am just as worthwhile a human being as someone half my size....
....but I don't treat myself that way. I allow myself to wear one pair of jeans until my thighs chafe a hole in them. I don't have any "pretty" or "sexy" or hell, even any special occasion clothes set aside. I have a pair of jeans, some tshirts, a couple of jumpers and my work clothes (oh, and gym clothes. I have those too.). That's my entire wardrobe, summed up. My undies are the cheapest Big W cotton 7 pack. Bras these days are either sports bras, or basic bonds, and my hair and skincare rouine is the bare basic minimum. And as I said before, this isn't entirely a bad thing. Streamlining my daily routine was something that needed to be done.
I think the issue here is that I don't want to enjoy being overweight. That I feel like I'm a work in progress, and stopping to smell the roses along the way is a waste of time because it distracts me, or that it allows me to become "comfortable" in being a fat girl. And not that I have a problem with fat acceptance, (Cthulu knows that I need a nudge to accept myself as I am), it's more that the idea of fat acceptance, to me, implies that one is happy being fat, and one intends to stay that way. And while I should accept myself right now, I am not happy being a fat girl, and I never will be.
The thought that spurred this post however, was my realisation that if I don't allow myself to be pretty occasionally, no matter at what size, I'll get to my goal weight..... and then what? Am I magically going to implement a better skin care routine, or make the effort to do something with my hair *just because* I'm thin? Probably not. If I allow myself to be a slob now, I'll always be a slob, whether I'm size 24 or size 12. I need to stop the "When I'm thin I will......." fantasies of how being half of me will be a magical panacea for all the things that are wrong with my life.
So I'm bringing pretty back. Ruku's mum gave me some Chanel No. 5 as a present last year, and I've gotten into the habit of spritzing a little on in the mornings when I get dressed. Even when I go to work outside pulling weeds, with a bunch of guys to get stinky and sweaty, the knowledge that I've given myself that little piece of pretty is powerful stuff. And that's an important start to balance.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Weigh in, numero uno
I went for my first fortnightly weigh in today. I think I did pretty well, considering that I've been sick/slack. What I learned is that 70% effort is still an effort, and any step forward is taking me closer to that goal. I hate to sound cliched or trite, but that really rang true for me today.
Ruku also signed up for Celebrity Slim today. He wants to lose about 30kg (he weighed in at 101.1), and get control of his weight while it's still manageable. Which is fantastic, and also means that I've got an in-house weight-loss buddy.
Anyway, to my weigh in;
Dress size: 20 tops, 24 bottoms (damn you big bum!)
Weight: 116.4
BMI: 43
Hips: 136cm
Waist: 127cm
Arms: 35cm
Next Weigh In: 24/10/08
Yes, you read correctly; that IS a loss of 1.6kg, a loss of 2cm, and down one point on the BMI. I think I've done pretty well. Only 58.4kg to go now!
I bought a new outfit last night. A new top and a pair of shorts, sizes 20 and 24 respectively. And this is where I am going to make a public promise to myself - From this moment on, I shall never buy a size 20 to 24 (or god forbid, larger) for myself again. By the time I need new clothes, I will need smaller clothes. I'm promising myself this, and I aim to deliver.
To finish off this post, I shall include pictures of the aforementioned outfit I bought last night. May the ne
xt outfit I post be a much smaller one!
Ruku also signed up for Celebrity Slim today. He wants to lose about 30kg (he weighed in at 101.1), and get control of his weight while it's still manageable. Which is fantastic, and also means that I've got an in-house weight-loss buddy.
Anyway, to my weigh in;
Dress size: 20 tops, 24 bottoms (damn you big bum!)
Weight: 116.4
BMI: 43
Hips: 136cm
Waist: 127cm
Arms: 35cm
Next Weigh In: 24/10/08
Yes, you read correctly; that IS a loss of 1.6kg, a loss of 2cm, and down one point on the BMI. I think I've done pretty well. Only 58.4kg to go now!
I bought a new outfit last night. A new top and a pair of shorts, sizes 20 and 24 respectively. And this is where I am going to make a public promise to myself - From this moment on, I shall never buy a size 20 to 24 (or god forbid, larger) for myself again. By the time I need new clothes, I will need smaller clothes. I'm promising myself this, and I aim to deliver.
To finish off this post, I shall include pictures of the aforementioned outfit I bought last night. May the ne
xt outfit I post be a much smaller one!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Perfect Day
Sooo, I made it to the gym today. And of course I felt loads better when I got out. The 18 hours sleep I was long overdue also helped though!
Breakfast: Chocolate CS shake (left my fat burner tablets in the car, oops!)
Snack: Boiled egg
Lunch: Low Carb Pizza
Snack: Medium Pear
Dinner: Chocolate CS shake
Dessert: Vaalia Vanilla Yogurt tub and a small TP11 mango
2 Litres of water, and I went to the gym for a half-hour session (Contours gym, only 30 minutes long!)
I did well today! I had a sneak peek for my weigh in on the gym's scales, and considering the fortnight I've had, it's pretty good.
Breakfast: Chocolate CS shake (left my fat burner tablets in the car, oops!)
Snack: Boiled egg
Lunch: Low Carb Pizza
Snack: Medium Pear
Dinner: Chocolate CS shake
Dessert: Vaalia Vanilla Yogurt tub and a small TP11 mango
2 Litres of water, and I went to the gym for a half-hour session (Contours gym, only 30 minutes long!)
I did well today! I had a sneak peek for my weigh in on the gym's scales, and considering the fortnight I've had, it's pretty good.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Food Diary, Day Whatever
Breakfast: Mocha Shake (plunger coffee with chocolate Celebrity Slim) and Fat Burner Tablet
Snack: 175g Vaalia Mango Passionfruit yogurt
Snack: 2 hard-boiled eggs, large mandarin
Lunch: Chocolate CS shake + Fat Burner Tablet
Dinner: 2 Chicken Fajitas with mushrooms, tomato and capsicum, on low carb tortillas, small glass of lemon mineral water
Dessert: 35g Lindt 70% dark chocolate
No exercise per se, but we spent the entire day at work pulling up weeds and walking around, so surely that counts for something? I was going to have my shake at work, but I got embarrased about it (I work with all guys, and lunch is a very communal and social time), and had my snacks for lunch, and my shake at 3 when we knocked off. Didn't work out too badly actually, so I might do the same thing tomorrow. I might also make more effort to exercise tomorrow. My excuse is that I couldn't sleep until about 1:30 last night, so I needed sleep more than the gym. I think I should put a bit more effort in tomorrow.
Snack: 175g Vaalia Mango Passionfruit yogurt
Snack: 2 hard-boiled eggs, large mandarin
Lunch: Chocolate CS shake + Fat Burner Tablet
Dinner: 2 Chicken Fajitas with mushrooms, tomato and capsicum, on low carb tortillas, small glass of lemon mineral water
Dessert: 35g Lindt 70% dark chocolate
No exercise per se, but we spent the entire day at work pulling up weeds and walking around, so surely that counts for something? I was going to have my shake at work, but I got embarrased about it (I work with all guys, and lunch is a very communal and social time), and had my snacks for lunch, and my shake at 3 when we knocked off. Didn't work out too badly actually, so I might do the same thing tomorrow. I might also make more effort to exercise tomorrow. My excuse is that I couldn't sleep until about 1:30 last night, so I needed sleep more than the gym. I think I should put a bit more effort in tomorrow.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Finally!
FINALLY! Apart from a bit of a snotty nose, I've come through the virus. I ended up developing a fever and all sorts. I've dropped the ball, but now that I am better, I am looking forward to being able to exercise, and think about my food choices with some form of intelligent thought. Friends are coming over tomorrow night, and it'll be my first real test of socialising while on Celebrity Slim. I'm thinking of having chicken fajitas or burritos on the Diego low-carb wraps and a big bunch of salad. It will also be the first time I have dinner as my balanced meal, so it will be interesting to see how my hunger and cravings are affected.
In short; Expect to see more from me now! I have a weigh incoming up this Friday. Am I worried? A bit, but I'm just going to try work a bit harder on the exercise front. And in the end, any progress is good progress.
In short; Expect to see more from me now! I have a weigh incoming up this Friday. Am I worried? A bit, but I'm just going to try work a bit harder on the exercise front. And in the end, any progress is good progress.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Thursday Frustrations
I. AM. STILL. SICK.
If you want to get technical though, I was better, and looking forward to going back to work today (because i'm starting to feel some cabin fever over here, being stuck in my house the last 3 days!), when I woke up in the middle of the night, headachey, hot, and freaking out that my clothes were suffocating me. And puffed right back up like a kid who swallowed some golf balls for a laugh. Going back to the doctor today, but I am honestly so..... gah! I took a few Nurofen Plus last night, and that calmed it down a bit, but I'm not "better" by any stretch of the imagination.
I have a feeling that my immune system has given up because of my last job; starting early, finishing late (it wasn't uncommon to do a few 10 to 12 hour days a week), 5 to 6 days a week, with no time off for sickness allowed (if I wanted to keep my job that is). Not to mention the stress of working in an unstable environment, not knowing whether your job is secure or not takes its toll. Anyway, I think because my immune system has been working overtime trying to keep me well the year and a half I was at that job, now that I'm in a secure position, with paid sick time, my system has just rolled over and died, so to speak. Might bring that hypothesis up with the doctor today, I read in an article in Women's Health (I think, don't quote me on it!) that stuff like this is becoming common as Australians are becoming more stressed and overworked, but was a bit skeptical until now...
Anyway, never got around to posting yesterday's food diary, but to be honest, there was nothing really of note there. I had my shakes, I had my healthy snacks, didn't get any exercise in, had roughly 2L of water (lost count somewhere...). Oh! Ruku did take me out to lunch, we went to Elephant Boy in the Bowral Main Street. They had some REALLY gorgeous looking curries, but they were served with spicy Indian potatoes (which I love) and a rice pilaf. You'll all be glad to know that I resisted the carb-fest though, and I ordered marinated chicken breast with salad on the side! The salad was just a leaf salad, and the chicken was a tad tough (Ruku's was fantastic though, so maybe I just got a dud boob), but the chutney served on the side was fantastic, honestly the best I've had for a long time. It also came on toasted turkish pide, and I can proudly report that I resisted the lure of the bread (mostly) and nibbled on a third, before I made Ruku eat it so I wouldn't. The basil pesto salad dressing was also pretty good, and not too heavy, which made me happy.
I have also been working my way through various high-protein, low-carb snack bars, to sample and review them. When I've got a few different varieties under my belt, I'll post my thoughts up here. And, I made insanely healthy, low carb lasagne yesterday, and wasn't sure when I'd have time to post the recipe up, well now I will have time! Expect to see a recipe for my bolognese sauce + lasagne in the next couple of days, if I don't post it today. I'm pretty pleased with how economical it's turned out actually, with 500g of mince, I made enough bolognese for two medium lasagnes, and still have enough sauce to serve Ruku and I as "vegetti" another day. I'm looking forward to trying vegetables in place of pasta, even though my sauce is already loaded with veggies. Before I start gushing, that is the great thing about growing up vegetarian; instead of looking at meat as the main man, you save a lot of money by using meat more sparingly, and bulking meals out with vegetables, beans and pulses. So much cheaper, and healthier too. While I do eat meat these days (not a whole lot, but I do eat it), left to my own devices I tend to gravitate back to vegetarian habits, and will happily eat a khichari, or dahl, and be perfectly satisfied with that.
One more thing of note, before I sign this off here; Those Celebrity Slimmers who have access to a coffee plunger, or a home coffee machine, make 150ml of coffee, refridgerate it until cold, and use some water to top it up to 200ml or 250ml, then add your chocolate CS shake. Delicious! (especially if you like your coffee/mocha on the slightly bitter side) I might try making some coffee ice cubes, and blending it with strawberries for a mocha berry frappe shake, but I'll give feedback on that when I've tried it.
If you want to get technical though, I was better, and looking forward to going back to work today (because i'm starting to feel some cabin fever over here, being stuck in my house the last 3 days!), when I woke up in the middle of the night, headachey, hot, and freaking out that my clothes were suffocating me. And puffed right back up like a kid who swallowed some golf balls for a laugh. Going back to the doctor today, but I am honestly so..... gah! I took a few Nurofen Plus last night, and that calmed it down a bit, but I'm not "better" by any stretch of the imagination.
I have a feeling that my immune system has given up because of my last job; starting early, finishing late (it wasn't uncommon to do a few 10 to 12 hour days a week), 5 to 6 days a week, with no time off for sickness allowed (if I wanted to keep my job that is). Not to mention the stress of working in an unstable environment, not knowing whether your job is secure or not takes its toll. Anyway, I think because my immune system has been working overtime trying to keep me well the year and a half I was at that job, now that I'm in a secure position, with paid sick time, my system has just rolled over and died, so to speak. Might bring that hypothesis up with the doctor today, I read in an article in Women's Health (I think, don't quote me on it!) that stuff like this is becoming common as Australians are becoming more stressed and overworked, but was a bit skeptical until now...
Anyway, never got around to posting yesterday's food diary, but to be honest, there was nothing really of note there. I had my shakes, I had my healthy snacks, didn't get any exercise in, had roughly 2L of water (lost count somewhere...). Oh! Ruku did take me out to lunch, we went to Elephant Boy in the Bowral Main Street. They had some REALLY gorgeous looking curries, but they were served with spicy Indian potatoes (which I love) and a rice pilaf. You'll all be glad to know that I resisted the carb-fest though, and I ordered marinated chicken breast with salad on the side! The salad was just a leaf salad, and the chicken was a tad tough (Ruku's was fantastic though, so maybe I just got a dud boob), but the chutney served on the side was fantastic, honestly the best I've had for a long time. It also came on toasted turkish pide, and I can proudly report that I resisted the lure of the bread (mostly) and nibbled on a third, before I made Ruku eat it so I wouldn't. The basil pesto salad dressing was also pretty good, and not too heavy, which made me happy.
I have also been working my way through various high-protein, low-carb snack bars, to sample and review them. When I've got a few different varieties under my belt, I'll post my thoughts up here. And, I made insanely healthy, low carb lasagne yesterday, and wasn't sure when I'd have time to post the recipe up, well now I will have time! Expect to see a recipe for my bolognese sauce + lasagne in the next couple of days, if I don't post it today. I'm pretty pleased with how economical it's turned out actually, with 500g of mince, I made enough bolognese for two medium lasagnes, and still have enough sauce to serve Ruku and I as "vegetti" another day. I'm looking forward to trying vegetables in place of pasta, even though my sauce is already loaded with veggies. Before I start gushing, that is the great thing about growing up vegetarian; instead of looking at meat as the main man, you save a lot of money by using meat more sparingly, and bulking meals out with vegetables, beans and pulses. So much cheaper, and healthier too. While I do eat meat these days (not a whole lot, but I do eat it), left to my own devices I tend to gravitate back to vegetarian habits, and will happily eat a khichari, or dahl, and be perfectly satisfied with that.
One more thing of note, before I sign this off here; Those Celebrity Slimmers who have access to a coffee plunger, or a home coffee machine, make 150ml of coffee, refridgerate it until cold, and use some water to top it up to 200ml or 250ml, then add your chocolate CS shake. Delicious! (especially if you like your coffee/mocha on the slightly bitter side) I might try making some coffee ice cubes, and blending it with strawberries for a mocha berry frappe shake, but I'll give feedback on that when I've tried it.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Day Two Food Diary, and other stories
I am holding tickets in my hand. To clarify, I am holding tickets for Tegan and Sara in my hand.
We went to their concert just before Christmas last year. I don't know how much I weighed then, but I'm betting it was around 110kg at the very least. That was... well, a pretty messy time for me. Let's leave it at that. I bought a tshirt at the concert, in a large, and it turned out to be ridicously small on me. I still have the shirt. And I still plan to be able to fit into it.
After the success of their last tour, Tegan and Sara are touring again. The concert is on the 8th of January. While I don't for a second think I would have lost a huge amount of weight by then, I am looking forward to going to see the same artists, in the same venue, around the same time of year..... but in much happier times, Who knows, I might buy another tshirt?
I also mucked around with My Virtual Model today, and made a "me" now, a "me" at 88kg (my halfway point) and "me" at my goal. Because I've been unwell, I've had the free time to play around with this stuff (and spend a lot of time on the CS forums). Apparently according to the doctor I have a gland infection which would explain why my joints have been sore and stiff. I'm having tomorrow off as well, and I'll see how I feel about some gentle exercise then.
Snack: Plunger coffee w/skim milk and 1 sugar (hoorah for sugar cubes, perfectly portioned sugar!)
Lunch: Low carb ham and veggie pizza + Fat Burner Tablet
Snack: Regular Voltage coffee w/skim milk
Dinner: Chocolate CS shake
Snack: Half Atkins Advantage bar, slice of cheese & slice of ham
No exercise & 2L water.
We went to their concert just before Christmas last year. I don't know how much I weighed then, but I'm betting it was around 110kg at the very least. That was... well, a pretty messy time for me. Let's leave it at that. I bought a tshirt at the concert, in a large, and it turned out to be ridicously small on me. I still have the shirt. And I still plan to be able to fit into it.
After the success of their last tour, Tegan and Sara are touring again. The concert is on the 8th of January. While I don't for a second think I would have lost a huge amount of weight by then, I am looking forward to going to see the same artists, in the same venue, around the same time of year..... but in much happier times, Who knows, I might buy another tshirt?
I also mucked around with My Virtual Model today, and made a "me" now, a "me" at 88kg (my halfway point) and "me" at my goal. Because I've been unwell, I've had the free time to play around with this stuff (and spend a lot of time on the CS forums). Apparently according to the doctor I have a gland infection which would explain why my joints have been sore and stiff. I'm having tomorrow off as well, and I'll see how I feel about some gentle exercise then.
FOOD AND EXERCISE: Day Two, 30/09/08
Breakfast: Strawberry Celebrity Slim shake + Fat Burner TabletSnack: Plunger coffee w/skim milk and 1 sugar (hoorah for sugar cubes, perfectly portioned sugar!)
Lunch: Low carb ham and veggie pizza + Fat Burner Tablet
Snack: Regular Voltage coffee w/skim milk
Dinner: Chocolate CS shake
Snack: Half Atkins Advantage bar, slice of cheese & slice of ham
No exercise & 2L water.
Monday, September 29, 2008
DAY ONE FOOD DIARY
FOOD & EXERCISE: Day One, 29/09/08
Breakfast: Chocolate Celebrity Slim shake + Fat Burner Tablet
Snack: 175g pot of Vaalia Vanilla Mango yogurt (with Omega-3 DHA apparently)
Lunch: Italian baked vegetable casserole thing. Lots of capsicum, eggplant, zucchini and basil, layered and baked with tomato puree. Also had insalata caprese on the side. Plus a coffee, one sugar. I love coffee the way Ruku makes it, mmm, plunger. And my fat burner tablet of course.
(and this is where things start to go downhill)
BB comes over. I have an afternoon snack of half a nashi, and try a bite of a low carb, high protein chocolate bar (Aussie Bodies or something like that I think). It...... was pretty damn foul. So I ate an entire low carb chocolate bar. I have my dinner, chocolate shake. And this is where things get worse.
I'm hungry, so when McD's is offered, I gobble a small cheeseburger meal and a 30c cone. Then a jam donut. Then I come home and drink 3 glasses of coke.
New challenge; Work out how to go out with friends without going overboard!
Also, no exercise, and only 1L of water. Seeing this posted here, I feel ashamed. I shall do better tomorrow, so I don't have to post crappy food up :P
However! I did make low carb pizzas for me to take for the rest of the week. Ruku and I shared one, and MY GOD WAS IT TASTY. So tasty, I'm posting pictures. I was especially happy that the diego wraps were on a buy 2, get $1 off special. I made 5 (now 4) at a time, and I'm going to give freezing them ready-made a go, because if this means I have one of these for lunch every day until Friday.... well, I'll be a happy girl.
So this is an unbaked pizza. Mine had tomato paste, tasty cheese, a couple of leftover bocconcini, grilled eggplant, shaved ham, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, capsicum, tomato, olive and asparagus. Loaded with veggies!
Here is a hopeful looking dog. Sorry pup, but that's MY pizza!
Aaaand, two pictures of them when they're done baking. Mmmmm, tasty pizza *noms*
Breakfast: Chocolate Celebrity Slim shake + Fat Burner Tablet
Snack: 175g pot of Vaalia Vanilla Mango yogurt (with Omega-3 DHA apparently)
Lunch: Italian baked vegetable casserole thing. Lots of capsicum, eggplant, zucchini and basil, layered and baked with tomato puree. Also had insalata caprese on the side. Plus a coffee, one sugar. I love coffee the way Ruku makes it, mmm, plunger. And my fat burner tablet of course.
(and this is where things start to go downhill)
BB comes over. I have an afternoon snack of half a nashi, and try a bite of a low carb, high protein chocolate bar (Aussie Bodies or something like that I think). It...... was pretty damn foul. So I ate an entire low carb chocolate bar. I have my dinner, chocolate shake. And this is where things get worse.
I'm hungry, so when McD's is offered, I gobble a small cheeseburger meal and a 30c cone. Then a jam donut. Then I come home and drink 3 glasses of coke.
New challenge; Work out how to go out with friends without going overboard!
Also, no exercise, and only 1L of water. Seeing this posted here, I feel ashamed. I shall do better tomorrow, so I don't have to post crappy food up :P
However! I did make low carb pizzas for me to take for the rest of the week. Ruku and I shared one, and MY GOD WAS IT TASTY. So tasty, I'm posting pictures. I was especially happy that the diego wraps were on a buy 2, get $1 off special. I made 5 (now 4) at a time, and I'm going to give freezing them ready-made a go, because if this means I have one of these for lunch every day until Friday.... well, I'll be a happy girl.
So this is an unbaked pizza. Mine had tomato paste, tasty cheese, a couple of leftover bocconcini, grilled eggplant, shaved ham, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, capsicum, tomato, olive and asparagus. Loaded with veggies!
Here is a hopeful looking dog. Sorry pup, but that's MY pizza!Aaaand, two pictures of them when they're done baking. Mmmmm, tasty pizza *noms*
Day One/ Starting pictures
So I've been playing with the blogger software a bit, and trying to tweak my profile settings and the like. I finally worked out how to follow blogs, so now I can follow all the other CS ladies! Whee! 
I also put up a userpicture. That's actually a fairly recent photo of me, taken in July. So now anyone reading this knows what I look like. I know, from the face shot alone, I don't look that fat (also, my winter scarf does a good job hiding my double chin, heehee). So to prove it, pictures are included in this post! Just be glad I didn't post the pictures in my underdaks.... They're pretty awful.
I also put up a userpicture. That's actually a fairly recent photo of me, taken in July. So now anyone reading this knows what I look like. I know, from the face shot alone, I don't look that fat (also, my winter scarf does a good job hiding my double chin, heehee). So to prove it, pictures are included in this post! Just be glad I didn't post the pictures in my underdaks.... They're pretty awful.
Other than that, I woke up with a sore throat, snot all over my pillow (ewww) and half an hour late for work. So, obviously, I'm not going in today. I'm going to stay in bed, and maybe go for a bit of a walk later if i feel up to it. Unfortunately I've learned the hard way that if I don't take care of myself when I have a cold in its infancy, I only make it worse for myself later. So making myself a very garlicky stirfry for lunch!
I'm trying out the CS fat burner tablets. Apparently they make a big difference, and I need all the help I can get XD Aaaah, shouldn't be down on myself. Baby steps, baby steps. Need to tell myself that it's only one day, and I can do it.
I'm trying out the CS fat burner tablets. Apparently they make a big difference, and I need all the help I can get XD Aaaah, shouldn't be down on myself. Baby steps, baby steps. Need to tell myself that it's only one day, and I can do it.
Definately need to investigate Coles for the low carb Diego wraps too.... because I adore pizza, and having it as my balanced meal would be great! The dominos vegetarian thin and crispy is my fave, but it still has about 22g of carbs per 100g serving, which is about 12g over the carbs I need!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Introduction
I am a 20 year old girl living in Southern Sydney, who needs to lose a lot of weight.
To properly introduce myself, I am Sebastian (not really, but I always liked the name, so I use it as a psuedonym), I am turning 21 in March, and the thought of being 50-60 kilograms overweight for the *big* 21 is a pretty upsetting one. So, if I start now, I can be on my way to a much healthier weight by my birthday, which would be a really great present.
I am a very busy girl. I have two jobs, and not a lot of time on my hands to make sure I eat well. With that, and my rampant dairy addiction (i can knock down a chocolate milkshake in 30 seconds flat), I've decided to try the Celebrity Slim diet plan, so that I spend less time preparing healthy food (the biggest downfall of the CSIRO plan and the like, IMHO), and I get my milkshake cravings satisfied, without having to put up with being sick all the time.
I'm going for consultations every fortnight. Mostly because I get a rostered day off every second Friday, but also because having fortnightly weigh ins means I have more time to try lose weight, so hopefully when my weigh in rolls around, I get somewhat of an impressive figure on the scales. I had my first consultation on Friday, and my figures are as follows;
Dress Size: 22 to 24
Weight: 118
BMI: 44
Hips: 138cm
Waist: 127cm
Arms: 35cm
Next Weigh In: 10/10/08
My goal weight is to be about somewhere around 58 - 63kg, to wear a size 10 to 12, and to have a BMI of 23. This means I need to lose about 60kg. So, I've started this blog, separate from my regular journal, to be totally devoted to my quest to be 60kg lighter, and several dress sizes smaller.
However, to set myself a shorter term goal, I want to lose 10kg, and get to 108kg. That will also get my BMI out of "Morbidly Obese" and into regular old obese at 40. If I can do that in the next two months, I will be very happy, and will reward myself with a nice treat when I get there. A full body massage sounds nice though! Because losing 60kg is just... well, intimidating, I'm trying to think of it in terms of taking small bites. I don't feel like I can lose 60kg, but I can definately lose 1kg, sixty times. I'm fairly sure I can lose 5kg, twelve times. And losing 10kg, six times sounds like a challenge I'd be up for.
I'm starting the plan tomorrow, so I'll have an update on my food and exercise then. Wish me luck!
To properly introduce myself, I am Sebastian (not really, but I always liked the name, so I use it as a psuedonym), I am turning 21 in March, and the thought of being 50-60 kilograms overweight for the *big* 21 is a pretty upsetting one. So, if I start now, I can be on my way to a much healthier weight by my birthday, which would be a really great present.
I am a very busy girl. I have two jobs, and not a lot of time on my hands to make sure I eat well. With that, and my rampant dairy addiction (i can knock down a chocolate milkshake in 30 seconds flat), I've decided to try the Celebrity Slim diet plan, so that I spend less time preparing healthy food (the biggest downfall of the CSIRO plan and the like, IMHO), and I get my milkshake cravings satisfied, without having to put up with being sick all the time.
I'm going for consultations every fortnight. Mostly because I get a rostered day off every second Friday, but also because having fortnightly weigh ins means I have more time to try lose weight, so hopefully when my weigh in rolls around, I get somewhat of an impressive figure on the scales. I had my first consultation on Friday, and my figures are as follows;
Dress Size: 22 to 24
Weight: 118
BMI: 44
Hips: 138cm
Waist: 127cm
Arms: 35cm
Next Weigh In: 10/10/08
My goal weight is to be about somewhere around 58 - 63kg, to wear a size 10 to 12, and to have a BMI of 23. This means I need to lose about 60kg. So, I've started this blog, separate from my regular journal, to be totally devoted to my quest to be 60kg lighter, and several dress sizes smaller.
However, to set myself a shorter term goal, I want to lose 10kg, and get to 108kg. That will also get my BMI out of "Morbidly Obese" and into regular old obese at 40. If I can do that in the next two months, I will be very happy, and will reward myself with a nice treat when I get there. A full body massage sounds nice though! Because losing 60kg is just... well, intimidating, I'm trying to think of it in terms of taking small bites. I don't feel like I can lose 60kg, but I can definately lose 1kg, sixty times. I'm fairly sure I can lose 5kg, twelve times. And losing 10kg, six times sounds like a challenge I'd be up for.
I'm starting the plan tomorrow, so I'll have an update on my food and exercise then. Wish me luck!
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