I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Do I really want to lose weight, or do I want to gain health? Does it matter if I eat healthily, exercise regularly, and still have some extra fat?
We bought Fable 2 recently, and one of the things that has changed from the original game is the option to choose male or female character (this story is going somewhere, trust me!). I chose a female character, and then I started fretting about my character getting fat. That's right. I started to moderate the food intake of a video game character. Now, in the previous Fable, I happily made my (male) character fat, thin, muscly, stringy, short, tall, without having a second thought about his level of attractiveness. After all, my character totlly kicked ass! Yet, make it a female character, and even with high levels of ass-kickitude, I still fret over my character's fat, or lack thereof.
Obviously, this is not healthy.
I think this needs to be said. I don't have an unhealthy relationship with food. I have an unhealthy relationship with body image. For a majority of my life, my body has been made public property. As far back as I can remember, the people around me have felt perfectly comfortable telling me that I'm too fat, too thin, too pimply, my hair is too curly, etc. I'm unfortunately certain that most readers can understand this.
When it comes to food, yes, I could do a lot better. I could make healthier choices more often. Like most people, as much as I enjoy a plate of vegetables, I'm more often going to go for the quick choice than the more nutritious choice. But generally, I don't think my relationship with food is that screwy. Aside from poor choices, I don't tend to binge these days, nor do I deliberately starve myself.
But my body image is fucked.
And the only reason I can come up with to lose 60kg is to attempt to "earn" the praise of others, particularly my family.
Why?
Now I've thought of it, that's a stupid reason to make myself half the size I currently am. Sure, I may get to that magical beacon, "60kg lost! Size 10 - 12!". And yes, I will get praise, compliments, and the rest. But if these people criticise my weight now, if I no longer have that weight, they'll find something else eventually. My teeth are wrong. My hair is too short. My weight is starting to creep back on....
So fuck what other people think. A life lived to try make others happy is a life that is not my own. So what do I want?
I want to be fitter.
I want to eat better food.
I want to learn to cook healthy food better.
I want to enjoy my life on my own terms.
My physical size does not appear on this list. Pursuing health and fitness will probably result in my losing fat, but ultimately? I want to learn to love whatever size I am, and learn to tell people who want to put me down to piss off.
So the focus of this blog is kind of shifting focus. But I can't continue agonising over body fat. Because the day I agonise over the size of my video game characters, is the day I officially have a problem.
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Finally!
FINALLY! Apart from a bit of a snotty nose, I've come through the virus. I ended up developing a fever and all sorts. I've dropped the ball, but now that I am better, I am looking forward to being able to exercise, and think about my food choices with some form of intelligent thought. Friends are coming over tomorrow night, and it'll be my first real test of socialising while on Celebrity Slim. I'm thinking of having chicken fajitas or burritos on the Diego low-carb wraps and a big bunch of salad. It will also be the first time I have dinner as my balanced meal, so it will be interesting to see how my hunger and cravings are affected.
In short; Expect to see more from me now! I have a weigh incoming up this Friday. Am I worried? A bit, but I'm just going to try work a bit harder on the exercise front. And in the end, any progress is good progress.
In short; Expect to see more from me now! I have a weigh incoming up this Friday. Am I worried? A bit, but I'm just going to try work a bit harder on the exercise front. And in the end, any progress is good progress.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Thursday Frustrations
I. AM. STILL. SICK.
If you want to get technical though, I was better, and looking forward to going back to work today (because i'm starting to feel some cabin fever over here, being stuck in my house the last 3 days!), when I woke up in the middle of the night, headachey, hot, and freaking out that my clothes were suffocating me. And puffed right back up like a kid who swallowed some golf balls for a laugh. Going back to the doctor today, but I am honestly so..... gah! I took a few Nurofen Plus last night, and that calmed it down a bit, but I'm not "better" by any stretch of the imagination.
I have a feeling that my immune system has given up because of my last job; starting early, finishing late (it wasn't uncommon to do a few 10 to 12 hour days a week), 5 to 6 days a week, with no time off for sickness allowed (if I wanted to keep my job that is). Not to mention the stress of working in an unstable environment, not knowing whether your job is secure or not takes its toll. Anyway, I think because my immune system has been working overtime trying to keep me well the year and a half I was at that job, now that I'm in a secure position, with paid sick time, my system has just rolled over and died, so to speak. Might bring that hypothesis up with the doctor today, I read in an article in Women's Health (I think, don't quote me on it!) that stuff like this is becoming common as Australians are becoming more stressed and overworked, but was a bit skeptical until now...
Anyway, never got around to posting yesterday's food diary, but to be honest, there was nothing really of note there. I had my shakes, I had my healthy snacks, didn't get any exercise in, had roughly 2L of water (lost count somewhere...). Oh! Ruku did take me out to lunch, we went to Elephant Boy in the Bowral Main Street. They had some REALLY gorgeous looking curries, but they were served with spicy Indian potatoes (which I love) and a rice pilaf. You'll all be glad to know that I resisted the carb-fest though, and I ordered marinated chicken breast with salad on the side! The salad was just a leaf salad, and the chicken was a tad tough (Ruku's was fantastic though, so maybe I just got a dud boob), but the chutney served on the side was fantastic, honestly the best I've had for a long time. It also came on toasted turkish pide, and I can proudly report that I resisted the lure of the bread (mostly) and nibbled on a third, before I made Ruku eat it so I wouldn't. The basil pesto salad dressing was also pretty good, and not too heavy, which made me happy.
I have also been working my way through various high-protein, low-carb snack bars, to sample and review them. When I've got a few different varieties under my belt, I'll post my thoughts up here. And, I made insanely healthy, low carb lasagne yesterday, and wasn't sure when I'd have time to post the recipe up, well now I will have time! Expect to see a recipe for my bolognese sauce + lasagne in the next couple of days, if I don't post it today. I'm pretty pleased with how economical it's turned out actually, with 500g of mince, I made enough bolognese for two medium lasagnes, and still have enough sauce to serve Ruku and I as "vegetti" another day. I'm looking forward to trying vegetables in place of pasta, even though my sauce is already loaded with veggies. Before I start gushing, that is the great thing about growing up vegetarian; instead of looking at meat as the main man, you save a lot of money by using meat more sparingly, and bulking meals out with vegetables, beans and pulses. So much cheaper, and healthier too. While I do eat meat these days (not a whole lot, but I do eat it), left to my own devices I tend to gravitate back to vegetarian habits, and will happily eat a khichari, or dahl, and be perfectly satisfied with that.
One more thing of note, before I sign this off here; Those Celebrity Slimmers who have access to a coffee plunger, or a home coffee machine, make 150ml of coffee, refridgerate it until cold, and use some water to top it up to 200ml or 250ml, then add your chocolate CS shake. Delicious! (especially if you like your coffee/mocha on the slightly bitter side) I might try making some coffee ice cubes, and blending it with strawberries for a mocha berry frappe shake, but I'll give feedback on that when I've tried it.
If you want to get technical though, I was better, and looking forward to going back to work today (because i'm starting to feel some cabin fever over here, being stuck in my house the last 3 days!), when I woke up in the middle of the night, headachey, hot, and freaking out that my clothes were suffocating me. And puffed right back up like a kid who swallowed some golf balls for a laugh. Going back to the doctor today, but I am honestly so..... gah! I took a few Nurofen Plus last night, and that calmed it down a bit, but I'm not "better" by any stretch of the imagination.
I have a feeling that my immune system has given up because of my last job; starting early, finishing late (it wasn't uncommon to do a few 10 to 12 hour days a week), 5 to 6 days a week, with no time off for sickness allowed (if I wanted to keep my job that is). Not to mention the stress of working in an unstable environment, not knowing whether your job is secure or not takes its toll. Anyway, I think because my immune system has been working overtime trying to keep me well the year and a half I was at that job, now that I'm in a secure position, with paid sick time, my system has just rolled over and died, so to speak. Might bring that hypothesis up with the doctor today, I read in an article in Women's Health (I think, don't quote me on it!) that stuff like this is becoming common as Australians are becoming more stressed and overworked, but was a bit skeptical until now...
Anyway, never got around to posting yesterday's food diary, but to be honest, there was nothing really of note there. I had my shakes, I had my healthy snacks, didn't get any exercise in, had roughly 2L of water (lost count somewhere...). Oh! Ruku did take me out to lunch, we went to Elephant Boy in the Bowral Main Street. They had some REALLY gorgeous looking curries, but they were served with spicy Indian potatoes (which I love) and a rice pilaf. You'll all be glad to know that I resisted the carb-fest though, and I ordered marinated chicken breast with salad on the side! The salad was just a leaf salad, and the chicken was a tad tough (Ruku's was fantastic though, so maybe I just got a dud boob), but the chutney served on the side was fantastic, honestly the best I've had for a long time. It also came on toasted turkish pide, and I can proudly report that I resisted the lure of the bread (mostly) and nibbled on a third, before I made Ruku eat it so I wouldn't. The basil pesto salad dressing was also pretty good, and not too heavy, which made me happy.
I have also been working my way through various high-protein, low-carb snack bars, to sample and review them. When I've got a few different varieties under my belt, I'll post my thoughts up here. And, I made insanely healthy, low carb lasagne yesterday, and wasn't sure when I'd have time to post the recipe up, well now I will have time! Expect to see a recipe for my bolognese sauce + lasagne in the next couple of days, if I don't post it today. I'm pretty pleased with how economical it's turned out actually, with 500g of mince, I made enough bolognese for two medium lasagnes, and still have enough sauce to serve Ruku and I as "vegetti" another day. I'm looking forward to trying vegetables in place of pasta, even though my sauce is already loaded with veggies. Before I start gushing, that is the great thing about growing up vegetarian; instead of looking at meat as the main man, you save a lot of money by using meat more sparingly, and bulking meals out with vegetables, beans and pulses. So much cheaper, and healthier too. While I do eat meat these days (not a whole lot, but I do eat it), left to my own devices I tend to gravitate back to vegetarian habits, and will happily eat a khichari, or dahl, and be perfectly satisfied with that.
One more thing of note, before I sign this off here; Those Celebrity Slimmers who have access to a coffee plunger, or a home coffee machine, make 150ml of coffee, refridgerate it until cold, and use some water to top it up to 200ml or 250ml, then add your chocolate CS shake. Delicious! (especially if you like your coffee/mocha on the slightly bitter side) I might try making some coffee ice cubes, and blending it with strawberries for a mocha berry frappe shake, but I'll give feedback on that when I've tried it.
Monday, September 29, 2008
DAY ONE FOOD DIARY
FOOD & EXERCISE: Day One, 29/09/08
Breakfast: Chocolate Celebrity Slim shake + Fat Burner Tablet
Snack: 175g pot of Vaalia Vanilla Mango yogurt (with Omega-3 DHA apparently)
Lunch: Italian baked vegetable casserole thing. Lots of capsicum, eggplant, zucchini and basil, layered and baked with tomato puree. Also had insalata caprese on the side. Plus a coffee, one sugar. I love coffee the way Ruku makes it, mmm, plunger. And my fat burner tablet of course.
(and this is where things start to go downhill)
BB comes over. I have an afternoon snack of half a nashi, and try a bite of a low carb, high protein chocolate bar (Aussie Bodies or something like that I think). It...... was pretty damn foul. So I ate an entire low carb chocolate bar. I have my dinner, chocolate shake. And this is where things get worse.
I'm hungry, so when McD's is offered, I gobble a small cheeseburger meal and a 30c cone. Then a jam donut. Then I come home and drink 3 glasses of coke.
New challenge; Work out how to go out with friends without going overboard!
Also, no exercise, and only 1L of water. Seeing this posted here, I feel ashamed. I shall do better tomorrow, so I don't have to post crappy food up :P
However! I did make low carb pizzas for me to take for the rest of the week. Ruku and I shared one, and MY GOD WAS IT TASTY. So tasty, I'm posting pictures. I was especially happy that the diego wraps were on a buy 2, get $1 off special. I made 5 (now 4) at a time, and I'm going to give freezing them ready-made a go, because if this means I have one of these for lunch every day until Friday.... well, I'll be a happy girl.
So this is an unbaked pizza. Mine had tomato paste, tasty cheese, a couple of leftover bocconcini, grilled eggplant, shaved ham, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, capsicum, tomato, olive and asparagus. Loaded with veggies!
Here is a hopeful looking dog. Sorry pup, but that's MY pizza!
Aaaand, two pictures of them when they're done baking. Mmmmm, tasty pizza *noms*
Breakfast: Chocolate Celebrity Slim shake + Fat Burner Tablet
Snack: 175g pot of Vaalia Vanilla Mango yogurt (with Omega-3 DHA apparently)
Lunch: Italian baked vegetable casserole thing. Lots of capsicum, eggplant, zucchini and basil, layered and baked with tomato puree. Also had insalata caprese on the side. Plus a coffee, one sugar. I love coffee the way Ruku makes it, mmm, plunger. And my fat burner tablet of course.
(and this is where things start to go downhill)
BB comes over. I have an afternoon snack of half a nashi, and try a bite of a low carb, high protein chocolate bar (Aussie Bodies or something like that I think). It...... was pretty damn foul. So I ate an entire low carb chocolate bar. I have my dinner, chocolate shake. And this is where things get worse.
I'm hungry, so when McD's is offered, I gobble a small cheeseburger meal and a 30c cone. Then a jam donut. Then I come home and drink 3 glasses of coke.
New challenge; Work out how to go out with friends without going overboard!
Also, no exercise, and only 1L of water. Seeing this posted here, I feel ashamed. I shall do better tomorrow, so I don't have to post crappy food up :P
However! I did make low carb pizzas for me to take for the rest of the week. Ruku and I shared one, and MY GOD WAS IT TASTY. So tasty, I'm posting pictures. I was especially happy that the diego wraps were on a buy 2, get $1 off special. I made 5 (now 4) at a time, and I'm going to give freezing them ready-made a go, because if this means I have one of these for lunch every day until Friday.... well, I'll be a happy girl.
So this is an unbaked pizza. Mine had tomato paste, tasty cheese, a couple of leftover bocconcini, grilled eggplant, shaved ham, artichoke hearts, mushrooms, capsicum, tomato, olive and asparagus. Loaded with veggies!
Here is a hopeful looking dog. Sorry pup, but that's MY pizza!Aaaand, two pictures of them when they're done baking. Mmmmm, tasty pizza *noms*
Day One/ Starting pictures
So I've been playing with the blogger software a bit, and trying to tweak my profile settings and the like. I finally worked out how to follow blogs, so now I can follow all the other CS ladies! Whee! 
I also put up a userpicture. That's actually a fairly recent photo of me, taken in July. So now anyone reading this knows what I look like. I know, from the face shot alone, I don't look that fat (also, my winter scarf does a good job hiding my double chin, heehee). So to prove it, pictures are included in this post! Just be glad I didn't post the pictures in my underdaks.... They're pretty awful.
I also put up a userpicture. That's actually a fairly recent photo of me, taken in July. So now anyone reading this knows what I look like. I know, from the face shot alone, I don't look that fat (also, my winter scarf does a good job hiding my double chin, heehee). So to prove it, pictures are included in this post! Just be glad I didn't post the pictures in my underdaks.... They're pretty awful.
Other than that, I woke up with a sore throat, snot all over my pillow (ewww) and half an hour late for work. So, obviously, I'm not going in today. I'm going to stay in bed, and maybe go for a bit of a walk later if i feel up to it. Unfortunately I've learned the hard way that if I don't take care of myself when I have a cold in its infancy, I only make it worse for myself later. So making myself a very garlicky stirfry for lunch!
I'm trying out the CS fat burner tablets. Apparently they make a big difference, and I need all the help I can get XD Aaaah, shouldn't be down on myself. Baby steps, baby steps. Need to tell myself that it's only one day, and I can do it.
I'm trying out the CS fat burner tablets. Apparently they make a big difference, and I need all the help I can get XD Aaaah, shouldn't be down on myself. Baby steps, baby steps. Need to tell myself that it's only one day, and I can do it.
Definately need to investigate Coles for the low carb Diego wraps too.... because I adore pizza, and having it as my balanced meal would be great! The dominos vegetarian thin and crispy is my fave, but it still has about 22g of carbs per 100g serving, which is about 12g over the carbs I need!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Introduction
I am a 20 year old girl living in Southern Sydney, who needs to lose a lot of weight.
To properly introduce myself, I am Sebastian (not really, but I always liked the name, so I use it as a psuedonym), I am turning 21 in March, and the thought of being 50-60 kilograms overweight for the *big* 21 is a pretty upsetting one. So, if I start now, I can be on my way to a much healthier weight by my birthday, which would be a really great present.
I am a very busy girl. I have two jobs, and not a lot of time on my hands to make sure I eat well. With that, and my rampant dairy addiction (i can knock down a chocolate milkshake in 30 seconds flat), I've decided to try the Celebrity Slim diet plan, so that I spend less time preparing healthy food (the biggest downfall of the CSIRO plan and the like, IMHO), and I get my milkshake cravings satisfied, without having to put up with being sick all the time.
I'm going for consultations every fortnight. Mostly because I get a rostered day off every second Friday, but also because having fortnightly weigh ins means I have more time to try lose weight, so hopefully when my weigh in rolls around, I get somewhat of an impressive figure on the scales. I had my first consultation on Friday, and my figures are as follows;
Dress Size: 22 to 24
Weight: 118
BMI: 44
Hips: 138cm
Waist: 127cm
Arms: 35cm
Next Weigh In: 10/10/08
My goal weight is to be about somewhere around 58 - 63kg, to wear a size 10 to 12, and to have a BMI of 23. This means I need to lose about 60kg. So, I've started this blog, separate from my regular journal, to be totally devoted to my quest to be 60kg lighter, and several dress sizes smaller.
However, to set myself a shorter term goal, I want to lose 10kg, and get to 108kg. That will also get my BMI out of "Morbidly Obese" and into regular old obese at 40. If I can do that in the next two months, I will be very happy, and will reward myself with a nice treat when I get there. A full body massage sounds nice though! Because losing 60kg is just... well, intimidating, I'm trying to think of it in terms of taking small bites. I don't feel like I can lose 60kg, but I can definately lose 1kg, sixty times. I'm fairly sure I can lose 5kg, twelve times. And losing 10kg, six times sounds like a challenge I'd be up for.
I'm starting the plan tomorrow, so I'll have an update on my food and exercise then. Wish me luck!
To properly introduce myself, I am Sebastian (not really, but I always liked the name, so I use it as a psuedonym), I am turning 21 in March, and the thought of being 50-60 kilograms overweight for the *big* 21 is a pretty upsetting one. So, if I start now, I can be on my way to a much healthier weight by my birthday, which would be a really great present.
I am a very busy girl. I have two jobs, and not a lot of time on my hands to make sure I eat well. With that, and my rampant dairy addiction (i can knock down a chocolate milkshake in 30 seconds flat), I've decided to try the Celebrity Slim diet plan, so that I spend less time preparing healthy food (the biggest downfall of the CSIRO plan and the like, IMHO), and I get my milkshake cravings satisfied, without having to put up with being sick all the time.
I'm going for consultations every fortnight. Mostly because I get a rostered day off every second Friday, but also because having fortnightly weigh ins means I have more time to try lose weight, so hopefully when my weigh in rolls around, I get somewhat of an impressive figure on the scales. I had my first consultation on Friday, and my figures are as follows;
Dress Size: 22 to 24
Weight: 118
BMI: 44
Hips: 138cm
Waist: 127cm
Arms: 35cm
Next Weigh In: 10/10/08
My goal weight is to be about somewhere around 58 - 63kg, to wear a size 10 to 12, and to have a BMI of 23. This means I need to lose about 60kg. So, I've started this blog, separate from my regular journal, to be totally devoted to my quest to be 60kg lighter, and several dress sizes smaller.
However, to set myself a shorter term goal, I want to lose 10kg, and get to 108kg. That will also get my BMI out of "Morbidly Obese" and into regular old obese at 40. If I can do that in the next two months, I will be very happy, and will reward myself with a nice treat when I get there. A full body massage sounds nice though! Because losing 60kg is just... well, intimidating, I'm trying to think of it in terms of taking small bites. I don't feel like I can lose 60kg, but I can definately lose 1kg, sixty times. I'm fairly sure I can lose 5kg, twelve times. And losing 10kg, six times sounds like a challenge I'd be up for.
I'm starting the plan tomorrow, so I'll have an update on my food and exercise then. Wish me luck!
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